She Won't Go Near The Pirate

My mate's a bloody liar
Saying his wife gave him a 'Blumpkin'
He says it was at Halloween
And so it smelled of pumpkin

My mate's a bloody liar
Saying they did the 'Angry Pirate'
He says his pubes have all grown back
A subtle shade of violet

My mate's a bloody liar
Saying "did the Dirty Sanchez last week"
If he's really done most of those things
His house must fucking reek

I wonder if my girlfriend would
Give me a little somethin'
She won't go near the 'Pirate'
But she might be up for 'Blumpkin'