Beaten Cents-less

I looked inside
My bank account
And saw just what was missing

I'm broke, I'm skint
I haven't got
A pot to freakin' piss in

I don't have pounds
Or even pence
I couldn't have any less

I'm strapped for cash
I've zero quid
I'm bloody well penniless

If money were
Good looks and charm
I'd be The Elephant Man

The only beans
My poor ass has
Are the baked ones in a can

I've been beaten
Freakin' cents-less
NatWest Bank would see me drown

If I cannot
Get cash fairly
I'll go sell my ass downtown