The Tail Of Jakey Chugman

"Look at her, she's pretty cute
I bet she wants my noodle..."
Thought Jakey Chugman to himself
As he perved at next-door's poodle

"Mamasita!" Jakey played it cool
As he called over the fence
"What you think I lack in size,
I'll make it up in length!"

That poodle's name was Roxy
Man, that bitch knew she was fine
"You'll find me at Costello's but
I'll be gone by half-past-nine"

For hours, until nine-twenty-nine
Roxy waited by the bar
When she heard the coolest Chug in town
"Get me a fricken' PBR"

Jake made short work of Roxy
He took the poodle home and spanked it
The bastard shagged her back at Eli's
On my New York Giants blanket

History was made that night
Or so this poet reckoned
And so concludes the tale of
Jake the poodle-fucking legend